Marriage in the Minor Key - Mismatched - A Marriage in urgency Part 2 of 3 Parts

Cheek Law - Marriage in the Minor Key - Mismatched - A Marriage in urgency Part 2 of 3 Parts

Good morning. Yesterday, I learned about Cheek Law - Marriage in the Minor Key - Mismatched - A Marriage in urgency Part 2 of 3 Parts. Which may be very helpful if you ask me therefore you. Marriage in the Minor Key - Mismatched - A Marriage in urgency Part 2 of 3 Parts

This doctor's kind advice? "Have a cup of tea before you go to bed." Hadn't he listened to a word I'd said? Oh - if it were only that simple! If only a cup of tea could ease the pain in my soul, the despair that was rapidly becoming my companion, the hopelessness that threatened to engulf me after years of being treated as a non-person, without rights or needs of my own!

What I said. It shouldn't be the final outcome that the real about Cheek Law . You check out this article for home elevators what you need to know is Cheek Law .

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I had been emotionally rejected by my parents. Now I was being emotionally rejected by my husband! Not only that - the man who had promised to "love, honor and cherish" me, ('cherish'? Huh!!! I don't think he knew the meaning of the word!), was the actual cause of my deepest distress and degradation! And a cup of tea was supposed to fix That? And what hurt even more was that for Years I had prayed to find a Christian doctor; person who would understand my dilemma (or so I fondly thought!)

This particular dissatisfaction highlighted why I didn't like "feel-good" songs such as: Bloom where you're planted. My issue was, God hadn't planted me where I was - so how could I ever bloom? So I never felt that I could beyond doubt rely on God to come through for me. Not only that, I felt that nothing I did could ever please Him, because I could not undo the mistake I'd made in the first place, marrying face of the will of God. So, no matter how hard I tried, I felt I had no way of getting close to God. I had let Him down badly - why would He want my company? Oh I knew I would still end up in Heaven, because God would keep His promise, and stick to me. I often conception that when I got to Heaven, I'd be dumped in the back blocks somewhere, but I wouldn't be welcome up at the "House".

That led to despair. Despair aggravated by my memories of my sins. As a young child the worst thing I did was lie. I didn't steal, cheat, give cheek, mix with the wrong kind of kids, (no other kids - right or wrong - wanted me).

And as a married woman, my biggest "obvious" sins were being untidy, overeating and being critical. I didn't drink, smoke or gamble. But these things had never been a bone of contention in the middle of God and me. He just continually chipped away at them.

The thing that had all the time affected my relationship with God had been my hassles with sex. My sexual experimenting when I was a teenager; my bitterness and resentment of Bob's incessant demands; being sexually attracted to the wrong men; battling sexual fantasies.

My early understanding of God came through the churches. And what sin did churches thunder against most? Immorality! And what did they mean by immorality? A lust for sex!

Murder, theft, lying - were all described as sinful - but they were never referred to as being immoral! That was why I all the time felt so degraded, so depraved, so intrinsically evil. And, in a way, getting to know God better beyond doubt made it worse. God was holy - I was anything but! Christ was pure - I didn't know the meaning of the word! I just wanted to crawl under a rock. As the saying goes, I felt so low that I could have walked under a snake with my umbrella up. Yes - I conception of suicide. But I couldn't think of any explanation that God would accept.

Our children came quickly, so perhaps for a while I didn't consideration how lonely I was. Also my in-laws were very kind and supportive. But as time went on the loneliness of spirit and soul beyond doubt started to bite. I didn't seem to be able to get close to God because of my constant fights with Him over Bob. Because of being pregnant so often, (with miscarriages in between), I couldn't build up strong ties with my local church, as my attendance was spasmodic. Also, this was in a small country town, and I was still regarded more or less as a stranger, so I didn't fit in anywhere. However, God in His kindness, provided me with one dear lady who became my spiritual mother.

But this was in the late 1950s, early 1960s. We were too poor to have the phone on - Bob was the only one working. Because I had had four kids in quick succession, (the first one was not yet five when the fourth one was born), I couldn't work. So if I wanted to talk to the only real friend I had, I had to load the kids into the car. Ever tried having a "deep and meaningful" conversation with a friend, with four exiguous kids at foot? I wasn't physically isolated from people, but I beyond doubt was spiritually.

Naturally I prayed for my husband's salvation. Yes, there was quite a selfish ingredient, I conception it would make life easier for me. You see I had this dream - you probably have it too. I used to say to myself How spectacular, it will be when Bob comes to the Lord. He will take his rightful place as spiritual head of the house, we will kneel down and pray together, and we will have family Devotions around the table. It didn't happen.

One incident beyond doubt terrified me - because it showed a side of me that I didn't know existed. Bob was lying on the couch, reading the newspaper. I was trying - for the umpteenth time - to get him to understand just how distressed I was about the situation in the middle of us. Bob was the strong, silent type - men don't have emotions. As usual, he only considered himself, so he totally ignored me. I suddenly realized that if a hammer had been within my grasp I would have grabbed it and literally, physically, used it to try to knock some sense into him. I have never felt so violent - whether before or since. Panic-stricken at my own reaction, I fled the house.

I went around to my minister. He heard me out, then said, quite correctly: "Naturally Mrs. Doormat, I only have your version of what is happening in your marriage. I need to talk to your husband. I'll ring him, and ask him to come around." I was quite happy for him to do this. My husband's reply - as relayed to me by my minister - was, "I don't have time." The minister and I having nothing additional to say to each other, I left.

But I daren't go home. I was too terrified of what I might do. (My husband never physically abused me in my life. It was just continual mental and emotional degradation.) So I stayed at a cheap hotel in a around suburb for a combine of days until I cooled down. I didn't want to run the risk of running into him..
I finally went home, and he acted as though nothing had happened. This sounds fine - except that it meant that the disharmony in our marriage was once more swept under the floor covering instead of being dealt with.

So once again I felt betrayed; betrayed by my husband who had promised to love, honor and cherish me; by my minister, who had no help for me since he couldn't talk to my husband, - and worst of all, by my God - who seemed totally indifferent to my plight, and whose only interest in me seemed to be development sure that I obeyed my husband.

Did I ever consider divorce? No. My marriage was permanent, in God's eyes and in mine. This was non-negotiable. However I did consider separation. But there was a problem. In those days society at large didn't recognize such things as psychological and verbal abuse. It was not into accepting how damaging and devastating these can be to a person's well-being and sense of worth. Since I didn't have one corporeal bruise, one broken bone, one limp to display; society in general, and my church in particular, would have taken a dim view of me walking out on a man who was so "good" to me. They couldn't see that in my soul there was "no soundness - only wounds and welts and open sores, not cleansed or bandaged or soothed with oil." I had gaping emotional wounds. And they bled continually.

God could see - but He didn't seem to care. I felt that His attitude was the same as society's. I felt I couldn't give Him a good sufficient calculate for leaving Bob - so I stayed. So our marriage limped on. It was stable, since neither of us believed in divorce, and Bob seemed article with things as they were.

Throughout my marriage I tried to love and serve God, I still read my Bible regularly, went to church as often as possible, gave regularly. I taught my kids exiguous Christian songs like Jesus loves me, this I know, For the Bible tells me so. The qoute was, although I taught this to my kids, I didn't beyond doubt believe it for myself. I could believe it for them, because they were young and innocent. I wasn't. And I continually carried a burden of guilt because I had defied God's will in marrying a non-Christian. I don't think I could accept His forgiveness. And I found it Very hard to forgive myself.

You slow-witted idiot! I told myself. You should have know better! I felt such a failure that I made exiguous attempt to get Bob to treat me decently. I guess I felt I deserved what was happening to me. I was very much like Peter was in Matthew 14:22-33.

The disciples were in a boat in the middle of the night. Jesus came to them, walking on the sea. Peter called out "I want to do it too, Lord!"

"Okay," said Jesus, "Come on." So Peter climbed out of the boat. He looked at Jesus - and walked on the water. Then he looked at the rough waves - and started to sink.

I had taken my eyes off Jesus, and was too busy seeing at the "rough waves" of my circumstances. I didn't know God well sufficient to believe that He felt any compassion for me.

And then - moderately - the tide started to turn. For a long time I had sought help, relieve and consolation from other human beings, and had run head-on into brick walls. What was there to console me about? They conception I was married to the most spectacular, man in the world!

 I had sought relieve from food - the results are obvious.

 I had sought comfort, or at least escape, in strangeness novels. I wouldn't touch romantic novels - they upset me too much.

And then, about 1980, in any place I went, I came across reminders of the hymn: What a Friend we Have in Jesus At that stage it seemed to me that God was just standing there, a disapproving scowl on His face. I just couldn't fantasize Jesus being there with His arms outstretched to me in love and compassion. But all these constant reminders about What a Friend we Have in Jesus were filling my heart with wistful longings. Yes - I was saved; but because of my constant bitterness with God, my fellowship with my Lord Jesus was anything but flourishing.

May I share the words of this spectacular, hymn with you?

What a Friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in Prayer!

O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry,

Everything to God in Prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?

Is there issue anywhere?

We should never be discouraged,

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful

Who will all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness,

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,

Cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge,

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?

Take it to the Lord in prayer;

In his arms He'll take and shield thee,

Thou wilt find a solace there.

As I let the attractiveness of these words sink into my parched soul, I started trying to get closer to my Lord. Then Christ dropped His own bombshell! He would be my Friend - on one condition: He wanted full operate of my life - lock, stock and barrel! That beyond doubt shook me up!

I hadn't realized that Christ startling to be Lord of my life; as well as my Savior. I didn't know what it beyond doubt meant to be a disciple of Jesus. Nor did I know that there was a cost involved in being friends with Him, and becoming the kind of person He beyond doubt wanted me to be. So I didn't comprehend just how far short of God's idea of what it means to be Christ-like that my own life was. And I had been a Christian since I was twelve! I was beyond doubt aghast! What a struggle began in my heart !

"You want me to give up my right to myself, my independent nature, my operate over myself, my right to settle what was best for me?" I stormed at Him, "Forget it! What have you ever done for me?"

I kept on yelling at Him. "You know how desperately unhappy I am - yet you don't care at all! You won't do a particular thing about it. And I'm supposed to hand full operate of my life over to you? Give me one calculate why I should!"

I was furious with God! I was a good church-goer, I tithed, read my Bible. What more did He want? Nothing I ever did seemed to please Him. But, like a Pharisee, who could quote the Scriptures at the drop of a hat without obeying them, I didn't believe or obey what I read. For approximately a week I struggled with this idea of handing the perfect operate of my life over to the Lord. Years ago I had feared what He might want of me - and I still feared it! Being a "good" Christian had never brought me any happiness. Ask my kids - they sling off at me a lot about this. And being a "good" Christian in my marriage had brought me only misery.

One church I had belonged to taught me that I was "saved to serve". The way I translated this message was that God had no personal interest in me; my only value to Him was in my potential usefulness to Him. Why would any one with a grain of sense want to hand full operate of their life over to such a tyrant?

But Christ had made it clear to me that this was the price of His friendship. John 14:15, 21, 23-24 says:
If you love me, you will obey what I command. ... Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him. .... If anything loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

And John 15:14 says:

You are my friends if you do what I command.

I felt I had no selection - because I knew by now that Christ was the Only hope I had of being able to cope with the dreadful, relentless situation I was in. So I said - very reluctantly, very dispassionately, very grudgingly - All right Lord, I hand my whole life over to you.

I soon discovered that this decision was very much like getting married; the full implications of this commitment would only sink in later. Because - no matter what I may have hoped would succeed from this - Christ wouldn't drop His standards one bit. The Scripture He now kept confronting me with was 1 Peter 3:1-4 :

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the Syn. Clearness and reverence of your lives. Your attractiveness should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading attractiveness of a polite and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

"Fair go Lord - when it is it going to be My turn? Why are you all the time on Bob's side? Why don't I mean anything at all to you? Why do I have to be the one all the time in the wrong, the one all the time having to say sorry? Why is it all right with you that this man continues to degrade and humiliate me. It's just not fair! When will it be my turn to get some justice?"

I sobbed and sobbed. Obviously I didn't yet have "the unfading attractiveness of a polite and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight"!

And nothing seemed to turn - whether in Bob, or in me. And so the bitterness within me grew. And there were determined hymns I refused to sing:

Have Thine own way Lord, have Thine own way,

Thou art the potter I am the clay

or

All to Jesus I surrender,

All to Him I freely give.

or

Take my life and let it be;

Consecrated, Lord, to Thee

Take my moments and my days;

Let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Ceaseless praise???? What did I have to praise God for? Where was this spectacular, friendship He'd promised me? He'd reneged on the deal!

Continue to Part 3

I hope you have new knowledge about Cheek Law . Where you possibly can offer use within your day-to-day life. And most importantly, your reaction is passed about Cheek Law .